Hi Grandma, it’s Me, Remember?
I just returned from the east coast, an early Thanksgiving that required my wife and I to fly into Phili, drive to Cape Cod, Pennsylvania and Jersey, in an effort to visit all parts of the family. While on the Cape, we spent some time with my mom’s mom, who is pushing 94, and my dad’s mother, who is 92. The older grandma is, mentally, still very aware. Sure she’s frail, but she can hold a conversation like a 60-year old (at least when her hearing aid is working properly.)
On the other hand, my dad’s mother, who is in better physical shape, continues to suffer from Alzheimer’s. Upon entering her well-appointed apartment (that is part of a larger senior living facility), everything appears ok. She says hello, asks how we are, tells us “Sorry about the mess, I’m just cleaning up…I didn’t know you were coming.” But it doesn’t take long before she repeats that last line. “Had I known you were coming, I would have cleaned up more.” And soon enough, every couple minutes, it’s “So where do you live these days?” “Had I known you were coming, I could have cleaned up more.”
For my wife and I, this relatively short visit isn’t difficult to deal with. For my father, it’s an entirely different situation. He absolutely loves his mother, but had you asked him five years ago if he would be checking in on his mother, at least twice a day, every day, to make sure she remembered to take her medicine (which she doesn’t but claims she does) he would surely so no way.
It’s already swamping millions of families, who suffer the anguish of seeing a loved one’s mind and personality disintegrate, and who struggle with caregiving and try to postpone the wrenching decision about whether they can keep the patient at home as helplessness increases, incontinence sets in and things are only going to get worse.
A recent article in the NY Times, titled “Zen and the Art of Coping With Alzheimer’s” provides a not-so-cheery look into the world of Alzheimer’s. It points out the startling statistics about the disease –
4.5 million people in the United States have Alzheimer’s, 1 in 10 over 65 and nearly half of those over 85. Taking care of them costs $100 billion a year, and the number of patients is expected to reach 11 million to 16 million by 2050. Experts say the disease will swamp the health system.
The reality is, you can read all the articles in the world, all the help books, browse the web sites, but nothing will prepare you for a mother or father who begins to ask the same questions over and over, who denies forgetting to take their medication, who insists everything is the same as its always been. Soon the frustration spreads throughout the family. But is that fair? Alzheimer’s is a disease and it needs to be treated like one.
You can read the rest of the NY Times article here
